I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Paul. I’m 25 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, in a balanced diet and in a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an icepack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the icepack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water-activated gel cleanser. Then a honey-almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply a herb mint facial mask, which l leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturiser, then an anti-ageing eye balm, followed by a final moisturising protective lotion. There is an idea of me; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity – something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable – I simply am not there.
But seriously, Patrick Bateman references aside, I am a 25-year old professional living and working in Melbourne. I’m a pretty big deal. I mean, people know me because I’m kind of amazing. I’ve been told that my body was carved from Zeus himself. As you can tell, I am really humble (I hope my sarcasm has come through so far). My name is Paul, or as the ladies like to say, “Hey you, behind the bushes!”. I am here because J-Vo realised that Sass Avenue had become too big for one person and brought me in to fill the prestigious position of Junior Vice President. And as J-Vo already pointed out, we actually don’t know each other that well, but for some reason or another, she thought I’d be a good fit for Sass Avenue. I like to think that I have a pretty good sense of humour and hopefully that will come through in my posts. I try not to take things too seriously and certainly speak my mind, so I’m pretty open to researching/writing about any random suggestions that come through from Sass Avenue’s fans.
I have a fair idea as to what my first post will be, so stay tuned! It’s going to involve J Vo going even further out of her comfort zone, all in the name of good fun!
Gossip Girl xoxo